I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Damn victory sex feels great
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
