we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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