so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
