Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
