***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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