I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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