he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
