life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
