All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
