eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
