so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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