Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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