I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
