I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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