I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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