I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
