I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
