i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
