Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sarcasm needs its own font
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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