good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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