I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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