Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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