He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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