Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
