There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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