He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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