Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
