even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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