She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
