Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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