i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
