I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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