Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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