Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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