when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
