He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
