tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
