I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
