He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
