How'd it feel making her break her religion?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Someone signed my nipple.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
