I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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