so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
