You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
