Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
