You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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