I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
