I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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