ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
