Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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