Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
