I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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