I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How does it feel to date your dad?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize