He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
