Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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