I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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