I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
