somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Two words: blizzard sex
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
