Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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