I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
