I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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