After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
